Shyness as an evolutionary tactic

[ksmith]

I've been told for years that "shy" and "quiet" are bad. I was labeled "shy" during a performance review at one company, and that was considered the nail in the career coffin. I'm still being told that I need to speak up more. In many business, quiet is bad, even though the talkers often don't add a damned thing to the conversation.

But I digress.

I remember the commercial that the writer of this article refers to. It made me angry. The idea that any sort of reticence is considered automatically bad and needs to be chemically engineered out of one's system, that character traits are disease states, pisses me off. Yes, there are anxiety disorders that are debilitating, that hamper the sufferer's life. Some people should be treated. But being one of life's watchers doesn't make me abnormal. It doesn't make me better, either. It just makes me a differently-shaped piece in life's puzzle, and if that gets under your skin, well, tough.

Comments

[threeoutside.livejournal.com]

I concur. People who have known me for a long time would be astonished to hear me say this, but I am, basically, intensely shy. My worst nightmare is walking into a room full of people I don't know, especially in a social setting (walking into a conference and taking the podium and delivering some kind of talk? No problem - because *I* would be in charge there. Took me a long time to figure out that seeming incongruity.) Over the decades I've developed approaches to situations that get me through the worst, first, few minutes of my least favorite scenarios, masking my acute discomfort.

But ever since high school, when they gave us Yet Another Personality exam, and I hand-wrote what was supposed to be a multiple-choice-pick ONE answer thusly: "I can't answer this because you haven't provided the correct answer for me: I am not ANY kind of leader. Where would all the leaders be without followers?" I have observed that our society definitely does favor certain traits over others, and that many of the un-favored traits should be treasured and nurtured and accommodated, also.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

I think follower has unfavorable connotations, implying that the person can't or won't think for themselves. I always preferred the term "individual contributor" even though it's awful biz-speak. I have a job to do. Just let me go off in my corner and do it.

[threeoutside.livejournal.com]

Yep, I like your interpretation. That's what I meant.

[msagara.livejournal.com]

I'm not always sure what people mean by shy.

Is shy conflated with fear? Is the assumption that people who are, or who manifest, as shy just nervous and afraid of people? Does shy simply mean quiet?

If the assumption is that shy people are anxious/nervous/terrified of other people - and only that - than I can see why it's look at as an extreme liability.

But reticence and reserve don't always come from anxiety, as you point out. Some of my friends are intensely private, because that's just the way they are. They take their time, they observe the social context they happen to be in, and they open up when and if they want. I honestly think 'shy' is too much of a catch-all.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

Someone over on Facebook said pretty much the same thing. Shy is a catch-all phrase covering everything from severe social disabilities to a dislike of parties or other large group functions, and no one says that one type may require treatment while some can be left alone because, you know, character traits aren't usually classified as diseases.

I swear some of these researchers are like an acquaintance of mine, a serious extrovert who simply cannot fathom the possibility that some people prefer to be alone for a fair part of the day. I say I like being by myself, and s/he says, oh, you like doing what you want to do. Those are not the same thing, but it's like talking to a wall to try to explain it. This person cannot fathom themselves ever choosing to be alone, and therefore can't understand why anyone else would make that choice.

[puddleshark.livejournal.com]

It's a sad truth that the bubbly extroverts are favoured over the quiet, careful sorts in the workplace. Anyone who can talk the talk - even if they are talking complete bollocks - will be favoured over a person of few words and those to the point. Business has fallen in love with the idea of being seen as go-getting, high-speed, high-profit, high-risk... and look where it's taken us.

I don't care how cut-throat the jobs market - I'm horrified that anyone would perceive introversion as a condition needing treatment.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

I wish I could recall the article, but I think it was in the NYT 3-4 months ago--yet another doctor confusing social disorders with introversion, and seeing introversion as a condition requiring treatment. Like talking to a wall.