ksmith | More writing about writing

Much blogging going on about the life of a working writer, mostly here, here, here, and over here. And here. There are likely some I missed, but they all seem to link together in one long blog necklace eventually, so give it time. If you want to read it, it will come.

I am not a working writer, in that I do not derive the majority of my income from writing. When I first started, I thought for sure that I would be able to quit the day job within a couple of years, but reality soon applied a blackjack upside my head. I'm not a fast writer. Too much worry about finances freezes me. When things get rough emotionally, I can barely manage sentences, much less entire books and stories. Add in the inconsistencies of the publishing world, and no, thanks. I'll do the best I can until I retire from the day job.

Maybe it's because I started so late. I didn't sell my first books until I was thisclose to 40, and I already had the mortgage and other financial obligations that I felt well and truly mitigated against taking any plunges into the deep end of the working writer pool. And even so, I know there are folks who took the chance, and some of them may have succeeded, but I know myself well enough to know that choice wouldn't work for me.

Writing can be a good job. When things are going well, it's the best there is. When it's not...I'm afraid I'm not one of those who can say that my worst day writing was better than my best day on my day job. My worst days writing are some of my worst days ever because writing's where my heart is. Too much fear. Too many roller coaster highs and lows. I've said it before--the day job is the marriage of convenience, relatively steady and not too exciting. Writing is the love of my life. But it's an inconstant love, capricious and cruel. I don't trust it. I don't trust the business. I don't trust the muse. Not going in without back-up, no the fuck way. I have to have room to maneuver.

I read some of the things that writers post here, and I get scared. Every time I let my mind wander, every time I start to gauge the depth at the deep end and think maybe, I reread those posts.