The writer as bastard

[ksmith]

When you read something that someone has posted, which contains blood and sweat and a slice of their soul...and that Graham Greene sliver-of-ice-in-the-heart part of you creeps out from under its little rock and says, "I can use that."

Which is only slightly worse than "Hey--I got it right."

And it does bother me.

And yet I'll do it anyway. Give myself a break by calling it 'getting it right' and 'the truth', and whatever else it takes.

But it's the knowing. And the knowing that *now* I know, or maybe just had the feeling, and had it confirmed.

It's vampirism. But usually the victim doesn't realize it, even if it's a case of self-victimization. And we usually try to give back.

Thus flows today's post. Tonight, after I finish the chapter in progress--and I'm going to finish the bastard if it kills me--I will link all the remaining draft together into One Whackin' Huge Chapter and start revising/cutting/filling in.

A tick less than two weeks. Two more weekends...

Comments

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

I know you're right. But sometimes, it still feels...wrong.

Have you read Terry Pratchett? When he talks about Granny Weatherwax's "borrowing", her inhabiting of a creature for a time so she can sense life as it does--he discusses her commitment to paying back. Leaving out the dish of milk, the piece of bread. Repaying. Is the story the dish of milk? And does it count as repayment if the one borrowed from never even realizes something was taken? Or does the concept even apply?

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

Repaying. Is the story the dish of milk?

Yes. Each according to their means.

And does it count as repayment if the one borrowed from never even realizes something was taken?

And yes again. You know you borrowed, and you know you've repaid. That matters. Believe me, I've spent a Lot of Time studying Balance *g*.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

Balance is important.

I'm lapsed Catholic, and spend altogether too much time pondering Intent. Which means I need to sincerely wish to repay, not simply toss the coin in the cosmic collection plate and call in even.

[torrilin.livejournal.com]

We're all vampires that way. Part of being creative is seeing what is real and true, and using it to make our creations real. No need to pay *back*. You pay forward, by making your creation as real as you possibly can.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

While I understand that, I still tend to feel that the one being taken from is Owed, even--or especially--in the instances when I would never admit that I took.

Emotional plagiarism. Don't know.

[battle-of-one.livejournal.com]

I've not read Pratchett but I understand the concept. I've come across this issue myself in my last book. I was reading up on cutting (because my protagonist was a cutter). I understood the mentality as far as that applies to my own sense of compassion and the base emotion, but I have never cut. I stumbled upon blogs by guys and girls (my protag was male so I was particularly interested in that) talking about their cutting. I felt like I was peeping into something that was far too private to "use," and that necessary sense of detachment when reading or seeing something that is especially emotional can make you (general you) feel crummy because detachment is often equated with lack of caring, and therefore you are inhumane. But it's not so, not to my thinking. The paying it forward came in when I got emails from readers who were deeply touched by the character and it infused in them a stronger sense of compassion for suffering or trauma. Some people who have experienced or been very near to abuse in their lives have emailed me about how catharctic the books were for them, even if they were hard to read. I look at it as myself exploring a pain that perhaps the person I "drew" from was never able to articulate, and so the healing becomes cyclic even if they're not aware of the part they play.

Also, on a more aesthetic level, I do believe it's an artist's responsibility, if they view their work that way, to be the observer and teller of truths in their work, and that requires a detachment. And perhaps the guilt that goes along with it, or that twinge of "should I?" is what humanizes the process, and it gets infused into the work itself. So there builds understanding on all levels -- of the wider world and of ourselves as we live in it. I think that's an awesome thing, something to be embraced even if it's hard. Or especially because it's hard.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

I can understand where you're coming from. Hearing from folks who felt touched by what you'd done must have felt..."good" doesn't seem to hit it. Something else.

I have heard from readers who believe my characters are real and realistic and right-as-in in keeping with their experience. I haven't touched anyone as you have, at least that I'm aware of.

I actually feel better now that I've discussed this. Was feeling a little vampirical before. Now, I can accept and acknowledge the obligation to the truth. Not that I didn't realize it before. It just didn't seem enough.

[battle-of-one.livejournal.com]

I think 'confirming' is a good word for it, and 'humble' for sure. That was how I felt.

Having that authenticity of voice and readers acknowledging that is gratifying; it's what we hope to get in the work, I think, because if anything rings false that undercuts the entire book.

It's better sometimes to get outside the spin of our own minds and know you're not alone. :)