First lines

[ksmith]

I never participated in this meme when it made the rounds, but better late than whatever.

The working title for the Jani short I'm working on is "Incident on a Small Colony." The working first line is:

The receiving dock stank of berries.

Memorable, elegant, evocative first lines--I have no gift for them. I tried one at the start of CODE, and if I had it to do over...I don't know if I'd have done it quite like that. The next three books began with short lines of dialogue, the characters already *bam* in the middle of something. I have developed a penchant for starting *bam* in the middle of something. If I ever opened a book with the weather, I'd probably keep it to two words of character's internal thought. Pissing rain. Or something similar.

Comments

[trolleypup.livejournal.com]

But Wiley Coyote beginnings work for your books. Perhaps if Jani had better manners, a "Memorable, elegant, evocative first line" would be more appropriate.

And "stank of berries" is pretty evocative...I'm getting a sort of sort of acid-y slightly rancid smell, from all the berries spilled and crushed by the forklift working the dock. All underlain by the tinge of grease and machinery.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

sigh

Jani has excellent manners. When she chooses.

The berry stench is definitely overpowering. I'm trying to determine what else would blend with it on this dock...the acrid undercurrent of battery superacid, and other future docky/shippy smells. Hot plastics. recycled air.

But this is about 15 or so years pre-CODE, so for Jani, the berry stench is bad enough.

[dancinghorse.livejournal.com]

I love those berries. I'll remember them long after I've forgotten somebody else's flowery opener.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you!

I think it's a keeper because it opens the door to a lot of Jani's backstory. But I'm glad to know that it doesn't just sit there.