The time of year

[ksmith]

Eight years ago today, my dad was home, in hospice care. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer six weeks before. The decline was swift. He could still sit up for short periods, and he wasn’t in pain. But his body was breaking down, and there were times when he was someone else. His appetite was non-existent, and as the days went on, he slept more and more.

That December 14th marked my parents’ 47th anniversary. Dad managed to sit up for a bit. He talked. He even took a few puffs of a cigarette. He made it through the day on sheer willpower, I believe, then slipped away. He passed away the afternoon of the 16th. A frigid day. Snow on the ground.

We’re in the midst of an unseasonably warm jolt now–50s, with rain–so this day isn’t like that day. Dad would have been happy that he didn’t have to shovel snow.

Mirrored from Kristine Smith.

Comments

[nephir.livejournal.com]

Anniversaries can be really hard, especially around the holidays. It's good that you can look back on your time with your dad and remember the good things as well. (hugs)

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[harnessphoto.livejournal.com]

This made me cry.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry.

I remember those last few days especially. They all blended into one big Stark.

[e-moon60.livejournal.com]

And he would have been proud of you. The pups. The garden. Even that you had gotten his difficult desk out of the basement.

A tough day, though, for you. Sympathies.

E.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

It caught me by surprise. Kind of like during the summer, when I felt the drive to clean the basement and realized later that it was the same time that Mom passed.

[seachanges.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you for sharing your memories with us.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[kateelliott.livejournal.com]

A hard day. Hugs, and good memories.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[threeoutside.livejournal.com]

My sympathy as well. As the years go by the periods of mourning happen farther apart, but they're no less intense, I've found. The holidays tend to really bring them back. The only useful comment I've ever heard from a minister at a funeral was that the grief hollows us out, so that we can fill up with more good memories later. I've found that to be true. *hugs*

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

That's good advice. Sometimes, though, it takes so long for that well to refill.

[threeoutside.livejournal.com]

I hear you there. Sometimes, it never will. We just have to keep adding good wells.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way. Holidays and anniversaries are always tough times-- some pass quietly and then other times it's a raw ache, as if the loss was only days ago.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

You're right. Some years, it didn't affect me so much. This year is different.