(no subject)

[ksmith]

It would have been a birthday. Mom would have been 89 today.

When she was 60 or 61, she visited my aunt in Huntington LI. Aunt had a favorite psychic, and since Mom was a believer, they arranged a visit. Among other things, this psychic told Mom that she would live to the age of 83.

Mom spent the rest of her life counting down. Birthdays became things to avoid rather than celebrate, and as the years went on, it got worse. We had a family tradition where the person whose birthday it was inserted the knife in the cake and the person whose birthday came next took it out. Mom made a face whenever it came to her to take out the knife. When she entered her 70s, she started saying things like "thirteen more years." Twelve. Ten.

I wished a lot of unhappy things on that psychic over the years. Not very nice of me. Oh well.

As fate would have it, Mom's 84th fell the month after Dad died, so on top of the grief came the countdown. But the day came and went, and the next morning my 84 year old mother awoke and maybe realized that she had worried over nothing for over 20 years. In any case, she lived three and a half years longer than Anna said she would. Screw you, Anna.

Vodka and orange juice was Mom's favorite drink. I hope she's somewhere with her sisters, enjoying a drink and laughing.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Comments

[jessica-de-milo.livejournal.com]

How sad and frustrating! But, it was a beautiful post.

[excessor.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of people live like this. Another course of action would be for you to have prepaid a psychic to tell her she'd live to 112, and then convinced her to go see a psychic that you'd “heard wonderful things about.” Fighting fire with fire, and all that.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

It was frustrating. But if someone had told me 'you'll live to be X years old," I can't help but think that it would have settled in the back of my mind.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

I wish I had thought of that. I tried bringing up all the things that psychics had told her that hadn't come to pass, but it didn't help.

She only wanted reassurance that things would go well. That I'd have a good life. So much for that.

[e-moon60.livejournal.com]

(((hugs)))

Screw Anna, indeed.

But hugs to you.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

I knew the day was coming. Thought I was handling it ok.

Sometimes it just creeps up on you. And sometimes I get angry about things that it's too late to do anything about.

[e-moon60.livejournal.com]

You knew it was coming, but you can't know how it will hit you until it does. My mother's birthday and the day of her death still--after 18 (and this will be 19) years gives me a twinge--regret, anger, guilt, depression. It is less than it used to be--that's the good news. It eases. Not immediately, not in the first year or two, but over time.

I wanted to do more for her. It was unfair that when she was finally able to retire, and start doing the things she had set aside, her eyesight failed and then other health problems than the one she'd struggled with for 32 years sapped her strength. She never got to Europe. She never got to Australia. I was never able to make her life easy and comfortable (she continued to make mine easier and better up to and after her death.)

Still...it eases. But for right now, hugs and sympathy and a warm shawl around your shoulders. And Gaby grinning at you.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

In the last few years, I sensed regret, wondering about what might have been. I don't know if I was able to make her life easier or more comfortable. Some people...you wonder if they think they deserve to be happy. You wonder why they never gave themselves a break.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Hopefully Anna received her well-deserved karmic payback.

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

One would hope.